chemicalunrest:

So I’ve just noticed something mildly terrifying about the Pokémon X and Pokémon Y games. Specifically, with the Pokémon-Amie feature.

Here is my new favourite pre-evolution, Espurr:

Just look at that adorable little bugger! I have a massive soft spot for cats, and Gamefreak went and created something that looks like a bedraggled kitten that’s been left out in the rain. I caught the hell out of the first one I saw. You’ve got a home now, little kitty. You’ve got a home now.

Oh, and what does the Pokédex have to say about Espurr?

It has enough psychic energy to blast everything within 300 feet of itself, but it has no control over its power. The organ that emits its intense psychic power is sheltered by its ears to keep power from leaking out.

Huh, that’s kind of scary. No wonder it has its ears folded over! It’s constantly trying to not murder everything around it! If you watch its battle animations, it does indeed lift its ears when you tell it to kill something.

This also translates to Pokémon-Amie, where you can pet it like a cuddly kitten instead of something that could remove you from existence with a sneeze. If your Espurr likes or loves you, it will get upset when you try to pet its ears. Makes sense, right? It’s letting you know that you’re doing the equivalent of juggling live grenades, and it wants you to stop.

However, if you have zero affection with it, it’s totally fine with you petting its ears.

…

While you’re letting the implications of that sink in, allow me to introduce you to Honedge, a badass Steel/Ghost sword. This is Honedge:

Now, what does the ‘Dex say about this one?

Apparently this Pokémon is born when a departed spirit inhabits a sword. It attaches itself to people and drinks their life force. If anyone dares to grab its hilt, it wraps a blue cloth around that person’s arm and drains that person’s life energy completely.

Oh. Well then, that certainly explains why it gets angry when you try to play with its tassel. If you rub the tassel, Honedge will put up with that for all of two seconds before it jolts back, glares, and makes angry noises at you. It’s doing its damndest not to kill you out of the goodness of its being, you asshole, the least you could do is not make its job harder.

…Except, wait, no. It doesn’t get angry with you at all if it doesn’t like you. If it has no affection for you, then it’s happy that you’re playing with the life-draining soul-sucking tassel. Seriously, you get the little hearts and everything. It will only get upset with you for touching the murder-tassel if it likes you.

…

SO, LET’S RECAP: IF THEY DON’T LIKE YOU, THEY ARE TOTALLY OKAY WITH ACCIDENTALLY KILLING YOU.

Jesus, GameFreak. I mean, having the Pokémon get angry with you for being stupid makes total sense, and I applaud the attention to detail. It’s the little things that make these games so much fun. But making the deliberate choice to specifically program the games so that the Pokémon only get angry with you for playing with death if they like you? Otherwise, they will have no issues with the fact that their trainer is essentially inviting Death in for tea, cakes, and an impromptu funeral?


RATED E FOR EVERYONE

AGES 10 AND UP